How can it be?

2008-01-29T04:41:17Z

I honestly never believed if you cared for someone ( loved them) that your feelings for them could change. By changing I mean that the very sound of there voice or seeing there faces make you nauseous. That you could accumulate so much hatred and resentment toward that person, that all you can honestly think about is how very badly you want to get away from them.

I can honestly say this is how I feel about my husband. There is nothing left, not one shred of caring for him what so ever! Just undiluted hate. Over the years this man has done nothing but destroy my life one tiny bit at a time. He makes everything my fault, when in fact it is his constant screwing up that keeps us in unmanageable debt and misery. So in reality? He has made me hate him the way I do.

He has never once been there for me when I have needed him to be on any level. So why should I care now? I am sorry I can not. When he stripped away my friends and my self confidence as he has. When he had cost me job after job with his asinine behavior coming to my job. When he never has a kind word to say, and his actions are that of a complete and total asshole 24-7, 365days a yr. How could anyone love this? I would be more worried if I did still care for him even the tiniest amount.

All I know now? Is I have to get me back! I have to get away FAR away from him and his stupidity. There is a good and true statement, "You do not need anyone to help you do bad. You can do bad alone". So why would I keep staying with this man I thought was different, when in reality he is the same as the lowlife's he associates himself with? I can not come up with one single reason to!

It is time to as they say, "Get on with life and live it" rather than be a sad prisoner to it and a situation that will surely never change.

Life lessions

2007-12-26T03:02:49Z

Sometimes things get so messed up in life that you just feel totally overwhelmed and engraved to the point you just want to say hell with it. You have so much pressure on yourself that you just feel you can no longer catch your breathe. You become down right mean at that point, or at least I do. I can handle just about anything, but mess with what I see as my basic security? Then Huston we have a problem.

To me, my security consists of the rent being paid, the bills up to date and being able to buy the groceries and needed items. Honestly I do not think it is that much to ask for. It falls in the category of most peoples basic needs group. I know with me, I can not stand and will not except excuses and failure in those things. There honestly is NO excuse for it. When it happens? It is only because someone handling it just is not doing it correctly which in return causes things to get behind and out of whack all together.

I could sit here and slap the blame for it all on my husband, because in all reality it is his fault seeing he was handling the bills. What does it serve to do that? Well guaranteed to start one hell of a argument and screaming match. Does not solve the problem at all. Things have to be disused, if you can not do that in a calm intellectual manor? There honestly is no point, because you will get no where fast.

If a method is not working, it is time to try a new method. That time for me is right now. His method of handling money and bills does NOT work. That is obvious when the electric got cut off for 3 days, the phone bill is down to the last possible minute to pay it, and the cell phones are off for a week and a half now. Rent always late or having to split it into 2 payments? No that is NOT getting it done either. We wont mention the checking account 280.00 overdrawn because he has no apparent concept of money. So now is the time to implement a new plan of action and get it all cleaned up starting with a clean slate and a good solid budget.

For me? This means going back to work and balancing my time between work, home and classes. Honestly I usually always get the crap end of any deal when it comes to getting things fixed simply because I seem to be the only adult in the house with half a brain to start with! so 2008 is the year of zero crap and getting things the way they should be to start with. I have now adopted the attitude, "If you want something done right, do it yourself and you wont be setting yourself up for absolute disappointment"!

just_me_66

How can it be?

Life lessions